That's how the fight started
Posts : 398
Join date : 2009-11-05
|Subject: That's how the fight started Tue Jul 16, 2013 3:57 pm|| |
Can help but to share this jokes ...
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
... She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, "When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, "What's on TV?"
I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back;
now with a different anticipation,
and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply
for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me
for my driver's License to verify my age. I looked in my pockets
and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that
I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped
your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
And then the fight started...
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'
I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
And then the fight started........
I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
That's how the fight started.
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
as a Christmas gift...
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.
Posts : 57
Join date : 2009-11-30
Age : 43
Location : CBD
|Subject: Re: That's how the fight started Tue Jul 16, 2013 4:17 pm|| |
Tks for sharing, some gd jokes there.
Super Active Golfer
Posts : 2084
Join date : 2009-11-30
|Subject: Re: That's how the fight started Tue Jul 16, 2013 4:35 pm|| |
Oldies but goodies
Always crack me up!
Posts : 4560
Join date : 2009-09-11
Age : 87
Location : East
|Subject: Re: That's how the fight started Tue Jul 16, 2013 4:53 pm|| |
I like the dwarf one though.
Laughter is the best medicine
Posts : 182
Join date : 2011-07-22
|Subject: Re: That's how the fight started Tue Jul 16, 2013 5:07 pm|| |
What a good laugh after a long day at work.....cheers
Posts : 65
Join date : 2012-10-02
|Subject: Re: That's how the fight started Tue Jul 16, 2013 5:11 pm|| |
I like the first one.. Haha..
Thanks for sharing...
Very Active Golfer
Posts : 565
Join date : 2011-02-08
Location : Singapore
|Subject: Re: That's how the fight started Tue Jul 16, 2013 5:56 pm|| |
Incredibly Active Golfer
Posts : 3062
Join date : 2009-09-29
Age : 43
Location : North-East
Posts : 8
Join date : 2013-04-04
|Subject: Re: That's how the fight started Tue Jul 16, 2013 7:07 pm|| |
bro thank you for the jokes.... its so classic
Posts : 21
Join date : 2013-07-17
Location : PJ, Malaysia
|Subject: Re: That's how the fight started Wed Jul 17, 2013 7:37 pm|| |
hahahaha really cant stop laughing... thanks for sharing TS
Posts : 343
Join date : 2013-04-28
Age : 44
Location : Where there's large patches of Green :-)
|Subject: Re: That's how the fight started Thu Jul 18, 2013 1:38 am|| |
Thanks for the great mid week humor.
Can'y stop laughing at the Dwarf joke.....
|Subject: Re: That's how the fight started Today at 11:56 pm|| |
Total Donation till date to
Autism Association (SG): S$46,285
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