Posts : 479
Join date : 2009-06-22
|Subject: Applicant Jokes Tue Jul 07, 2009 11:42 am|| |
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"
The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you're applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."
The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.
The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.
Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that's giving the interview doesn't like to hear that the man in the picture has one ear."
"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.
So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses."
The interviewer is impressed and says, "Excellent observation. Tell me, how could you tell?"
So the guy says, "Well, this man has just one ear, how could he wear glasses?"
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the manager asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had 5 years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you've ever had."
"Well," the young man said, "in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
New Job Interview Technique one out!
Take the prospective employee and put him in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave him alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what he is doing.
If he has taken the table apart, put him in Engineering.
If he is counting the butts in the ashtray, assign him to Finance.
If he is waving his arms and talking out loud, send him to Consulting.
If he is talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for him.
If he is writing up the experience, send him to the Technical Documentation team.
If he doesn't even look up when you enter the room, assign him to Security.
If he tries to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, put him into Marketing.
If he is wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Software is his niche.
If he mentions what a good price we got for the table and chairs, send him to Purchasing.
If he mentions that hardwood furniture does not come from rainforests, Public Relations will suit him well.
If he is sleeping, he is Management material.
Posts : 83
Join date : 2009-06-22
Location : yck
|Subject: Re: Applicant Jokes Tue Jul 07, 2009 12:06 pm|| |
the second one is brilliant...caught me there.
Posts : 402
Join date : 2009-06-17
Location : Singapore
|Subject: Re: Applicant Jokes Tue Jul 07, 2009 2:02 pm|| |
Hmm no wonder I wasn't hired... All my interviews made me wait for an hour or so...
They would ask me to fill in the forms and I did as told... but when they came back I never mention anything about the furnitures....
Incredibly Active Golfer
Posts : 2978
Join date : 2009-06-19
Age : 42
Location : Sinkapoh
|Subject: Re: Applicant Jokes Tue Jul 07, 2009 2:05 pm|| |
I wasn't hired.... Coz I lost the chairs and tables.
Posts : 15650
Join date : 2009-06-18
Age : 41
Location : Typically OOB
|Subject: Re: Applicant Jokes Tue Jul 07, 2009 2:21 pm|| |
This reminds me on this oldie, but goodie:
An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man, are hired at a Construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand.
He says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shoveling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you men to make a dent in that pile of sand."
So when the foreman returns after being away for a couple of hours the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"
The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinesea fella that he a wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replies, "Aye, that ye did laddie, boot ah could nae get meself a shoovel. Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldna fin' him neither."
The foreman is really angry now. He storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese gent.
Just then, the Chinese man leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!!!!"
Clearing my Storeroom
of golfing goodies. Please help support
"A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.
" Henry Beard
|Subject: Re: Applicant Jokes || |
Total Donation till date to
Autism Association (SG): S$46,285
|» Sembawang weekend golfer|
by dayveed Today at 1:41 pm
» Need help with MBGC booking system
by billcoke Today at 2:02 am
» Newbie usually at BB
by issey999 Yesterday at 9:51 am
» Honda LPGA Thailand Preview, Pairings, and Much More.
by tonyj5 Yesterday at 1:16 am
» Looking for good golf coach
by Bernie Tan Golf Coach Tue Feb 21, 2017 2:29 pm
» Most Popular Photos of the Year - 2016
by tonyj5 Tue Feb 21, 2017 1:44 am
» Coach for a complete beginner
by alfis Mon Feb 20, 2017 2:05 pm
» Thana City & Muang Keaw (Bangkok)
by Noriki Mon Feb 20, 2017 10:50 am
» ISPS Handa Women's Australian Open Preview, Pairings, and More
by Ant Mon Feb 20, 2017 8:06 am
» Newbie 2017
by izzx11 Sun Feb 19, 2017 4:57 pm
» Hello Everyone! :)
by dariustanbr Sat Feb 18, 2017 6:49 pm
» hi - new to forum
by dayveed Fri Feb 17, 2017 1:03 pm
» Ria Bintan's FIRST ANNIVERSARY Promotion!
by colin2011 Wed Feb 15, 2017 10:26 am
» my golf kaki - Whatsapp group chat
by mygolfkaki Wed Feb 15, 2017 10:02 am
» Ria Bintan Golf Club
by sebastianlim Sat Feb 11, 2017 9:04 am
» Solheim Cup Update: U.S. Players Fighting For Remaining Spot
by tonyj5 Wed Feb 08, 2017 6:42 am
» 3D golf course mapping / rendering
by stormriders99 Tue Feb 07, 2017 10:47 am
» ELS Desaru Promotion Rate by me
by famacdonald Mon Feb 06, 2017 4:58 pm
» Green Horn with regular practise
by hockie1992 Mon Feb 06, 2017 11:23 am
» LPGA Player Profile: Brittany Lincicome
by tonyj50 Mon Feb 06, 2017 4:13 am
» How Good Are This Year's LPGA Rookies?
by tonyj50 Tue Jan 31, 2017 8:52 pm
» Brittany Lincicome Wins, Nelly Korda Shines!
by tonyj50 Mon Jan 30, 2017 8:47 am
» Pure Silk LPGA Classic Preview, Pairings, and More.
by tonyj50 Sun Jan 29, 2017 4:02 pm
» Looking for a set of beginner golf clubs
by zhiming1 Fri Jan 27, 2017 10:29 pm
» tanjong puteri B/C course gt sell balls?
by angeldogleslie Fri Jan 27, 2017 11:24 am
» Struggling with the golf swing
by Kaii Wed Jan 25, 2017 8:28 pm
» jap coach in TPY range
by kevlye Wed Jan 25, 2017 2:00 pm
» Anyone tried using 44.5" driver shaft??
by willytan Mon Jan 23, 2017 11:59 pm
» Which courses to play in Mission Hills, Shenzhen or Haikou?
by Nomad Mon Jan 23, 2017 4:39 pm
» Mizuno Iron
by mizunoshen Mon Jan 23, 2017 11:19 am
» LPGA Profile: So Yeon Ryu
by tonyj50 Fri Jan 20, 2017 3:51 pm
» SMBC Open TaylorMade launch
by Darrentay Thu Jan 19, 2017 8:23 pm
» Beginners' game for high handicappers...
by dayveed Thu Jan 19, 2017 5:49 pm
» How to fix erratic game?
by matoonia Thu Jan 19, 2017 3:30 pm
» SMBC Sentosa 19 - 22 January 2017
by kop Tue Jan 17, 2017 1:54 pm
» My Top 40 Player of the Year Predictions for 2017
by tonyj50 Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:33 am
» Beginner Golfer
by dayveed Fri Jan 13, 2017 12:32 am
by Noriki Thu Jan 12, 2017 3:49 pm
» Ten Questions for the 2017 Season
by tonyj50 Thu Jan 12, 2017 7:40 am
» YouTube Golf Channel (by Yaozza)
by mizunoshen Wed Jan 11, 2017 5:47 pm
» New member
by Chelwin Mon Jan 09, 2017 3:57 pm
» kids to learn golf
by Bernie Tan Golf Coach Sat Jan 07, 2017 1:29 pm
» Best credit card benefits for golf
by Titlelisten Fri Jan 06, 2017 6:09 pm
» Sunday Morning NSRCC Kranji 853am (18 dec)
by dayveed Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:37 pm
» Regular Weekend NSRCC games
by dayveed Wed Jan 04, 2017 11:36 pm