Marriages are made in heaven.
But so again, are thunder and lightning.
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say,
talk in your sleep.
Marriage is grand --
and divorce is at least 100 grand!
Married life is very frustrating.
In the first year of marriage,
the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks
and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and
the neighbors listen.
When a man opens the door of his car
for his wife, you can be sure of one thing:
Either the car is new or the wife is.
Marriage is when a man and woman
become as one; the trouble starts when
they try to decide which one.
Before marriage, a man will lie awake
all night thinking about something you
said. After marriage, he will fall asleep
before you finish.
Every man wants a wife who is beautiful,
understanding, economical, and a good
cook. But the law allows only one wife.
Every woman wants a man who is handsome,
understanding, economical and a considerate
lover, but again, the law allows only one husband.
Man is incomplete until he marries.
After that, he is finished.
Bonus Commandment story.
A long married couple came upon a wishing well.
The wife leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The husband decided to make a wish too.
But he leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The wife was stunned for a moment but then smiled, "It really works!"