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Nam Flog
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PostSubject: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 12:52 pm

Hi guys and gals,

Want to hear from you if there are any tips on keeping in the game during the upbringing stage of young children. I am a new father and while I love my little bundle of joy and understand the sacrifices of fatherhood, I am reluctant to give up the game while I am still passionate about it.

I guess nobody will disagree that in golf (just like any other game), practice is very important if you want to improve or even to maintain your game. Plus it is possibly the most time consuming game that human has invented (other than PS4 and Xbox). And I enjoy it so I wanna spend time doing it.

I play in JB and both causeways are as predictable as Singapore's weather. I have gotten red card suspension more than once from my missus due to returning home late.

Can't play on weekends as strictly family time.

Not willing to invest in country club membership as 1. strap in my cash and 2. I don't want to keep playing in the same course (it gets boring).

How did fellow GRians handle this?

Appreciate anyone who shares their experience.
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botak
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:01 pm

From my personal experience, the number of times I played golf in the past 2.5 years can be counted with one hand.

But I don't regret it... I'd rather bath, play and eat with my son... even if it means giving up this game
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Technospaz
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:19 pm

I will admit that it's tricky at the start. I laid off golf when my son was born. I tried to get away every now and then but it wasn't easy. Fortunately for me, I do visit my in-laws (in JB) and that makes it easier to hit golf balls while my in-laws dote on their grandson.

However, as he grows up (he's now coming to 4), I found it more and more important to get out there. I don't play golf as often as I'd like but I make it a point to try. Everyone needs a breather from something they do day in and day out. While I do enjoy spending time with my son, I too need a break to refresh and reset.

So, while it's difficult now, it will get easier along the way. What I can tell you is that they grow up really really fast. In the blink of an eye, they're older, more mature, wiser and more demanding Smile So, while you have them in a position when you can control them, savour it. Before you know it, they'll be dictating what you can and cannot do.

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sob
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:24 pm

Play on weekdays. leave weekends for family time.
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pocketace
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:25 pm

Bro Nam Flog
Many of us been thru this phase
I have two kids and I've passed the nappy changing phase 
They got their own programmes on weekend and my understand with the wife is Saturday mornings are my personal time with my kakis on the golf course. Yes I am lucky!

Before that, I'm kinda like you. One game a month, at most two is what I can manage
My view is we can't have the cake and eat it
A heart to heart talk with the Missus will help work out a compromise.

I'll say, chill out, golf is always there. But if you miss your kids growing up, you never get it back.
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enwee
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:39 pm

Buy a local clubs, it'll save u a lot of time.
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sywog
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:47 pm

If you are a new father then best to just lay off golf for a short while. Instead go to the driving range to drive, pitch or putt. If really itchy then play 9 holes. You are already lacking in sleep, trying to figure the crying, change diapers, buy baby gears and keeping the missus happy, no need more worries about slicing or topping.   Few short years, kids will be busy whole day in school and tuition...you will have more time........ (unless a few more come along....then another story)
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bomby
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:49 pm

Same situation... while I have two as well, and both are in the process of taking up the game.

When the first was born.. 6 yrs ago, I immediately stopped going to JB for golf, as I realise that I need 1 full day to golf there. So change to golfing in SG, 1/2 day can finish.

When the 2nd came.. it was worse. Misses complain here and there.. then I started planning and strategise.

1) Ensure that transport is not an issue and I am not needed in the morning or evening. Now my kids takes school bus to and fro school.
2) Make sure you move near to parents.. so now I am back in the West.. where the school bus picks up my kids from my place, and drop them off at parents in the evening
3) Make the kids take up golf. So the misses no choice, but to allow father daughters time... (currently planning)
4) Make full uses of available resources like Brothers, parents.... etc

One problem that I did not forsee was that my wifey change job and now is only like 5 mins from my office.. arghhh.... 

But end of the day.. golf is a passion, and it will not go away.. we need to know where our priorities lies. Kids grow up just like that.. dun miss it.
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shimizu.toruk
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:50 pm

I've 3 kids in various ages (< 2 to to > 5yo).

I'd say don't get any club membership if you're comfortable. Just pay and play in SG. Keeps things flexible for yourself and keep the red card away from you too.

That's what I've been doing (I don't think joining MGK counts). Been able to average 1 game a month (2-3 if I'm lucky). If your missus is OK, MBGC night games are a good stress reliever. 

HTH!
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EastCoastHack
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:51 pm

You have to have the attitude that 9 holes of golf is better than no golf.


Wake up at 6. Play 9H rounds when the course opens at 7. If no one is in front of you and you don't suck too much, you will be done by 8:30. Spend the rest of the day with the family (or go to work if its a work day).

Pick a day and time for range work that allows to tao bao food back to the family as a gift. It could be a prata breakfast delivered by you at 08:30 on a Saturday morning (range opens at 7, right?), or a once a week evening special dinner (For example Monday and Tuesday MBGC 9H early evening golf is ~$50. Tee off at 4:30pm. Done by 6:30pm. Pick up dinner at Kallang Leisure Park or Katong on the way home).

Get a putting mat and an exercise mat at home. Get a junior putter for your kid and play with him. Do golf-specific exercises daily.

Ensure Mrs. Golfer also gets her personal time. You can't have a monopoly on quality time alone doing your own thing. Make sure you are fair to your partner.

Congrats and good luck!
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ralphlim
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:56 pm

I am also like you, have an eldest daughter turning 2 this year and a newborn just arrived  Very Happy 
I totally understand. It can get quite tricky asking for permission
As a Dad, I am sure you want to do your part like all Dads but something has got to give and in this instance, its normal that golf will take a back seat. (even for a while)
Your kid/s will have to take precedence

Try to have a talk with your wife, maybe you both can alternate on weekends. I am sure she will also appreciate her own "self-time" with her gfs and you can do the daddying duties while she goes out
Everyone needs a break now and then and I am sure it applies for both husband and wife

also, if possible, take leave during weekdays to play if you must, or if you travel for work, try to squeeze a game in nearby countries.

Remember, "Dad is for Life!!"
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simontcl
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 2:01 pm

Do like what I did:
1. Lay-off golf till my kid is 2
2. Play golf once a week, either Saturday or Sunday and if my wife makes noise, tell that you are allowing her some time for bonding with the kid
3. If she still make noise, tell her that I am the "strict disciplinary one", thus I cannot be too friendly with my kid else my kid will not listen to me
4. I always attend to all my kid school's events /activities (usually in weekday, so don't affect my game on weekends)

Possibly, I am lucky as my wife "assume I am dead"!!!!!!!
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dreamer
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 2:04 pm

Been thru this journey ... many red cards, itchy hands etc.
Now, the SOP is that I play alternate weekend.
This is after many iterations on what is the best arrangement for family.

Range - early in the morning (0700) or late at night (2150, just before the machine is turned off)

Short game suffers but we cannot really have the cake and eat it, right?
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Gofnut
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 2:05 pm

Since you are playing weekdays, try to play very early in the morning so that you avoid the jam going over to JB. Your return trip should generally be ok if you cross the causeway by 2pm or thereabout. And to keep in touch with the game, go to the range after the little one has gone to bed. It helps if you do your fair share of housework, errands, etc .
As for involving the wife/kids in the game, I always remember what a colleague shared with me: "I got my wife to take up golf because I did not want a golf widow. Now I have golf orphans!" 

Good luck!
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neutralgolfer
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 5:23 pm

When my first kid was born, I only played 2 months once. But I go range more often to stop the itch(half to 1 hour).

Like the rest of the brothers mentioned, be a good father and family comes first. It's important to pacify your wife and not to stress her too much after birth. You may not feel it now but later in the years, she may bring out tons of things that she felt unhappy about you...
Best is still talk to your wife and have a common understanding when you can play, when not.

As your kid grows older, you will be able to play more often, more local games.

Bite the bullet bro.
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skybobo
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 6:00 pm

I used to range once a week and golf every Sat.
2 years ago, my daughter arrived.
For the 1st mth, no golf for me at all, not even Golf Channel.

Then I slowly started to golf once a month.
After the 1st year, it improves to twice a month, alternate Sat.
No range at all on the weekdays (even until now).
The only range time I have is the hour before tee off.
I normally tee off between 736 to 757 (anything later than that is no go for me)
So I will reach the range around 6.30am and then pick the balls in the dark and start whacking
Its tough to wake up so early…..but like what u mentioned, in order to stay in the game this is prob the best I can do for now.

As my gal grows older, her timings are more predictable.
I can now tee off 701 for 9 holes on alternate Sat and make it home by 915am to buy breakfast for the family.
On the other 2 Sat, I will tee off before 757 in order to be home before 130pm to either buy lunch home or take the family for a late lunch.
That is why I never join my kakis for 19th hole, they all understand.

Bro, in your situation I will try my best to play in Sg course.  It really cuts down quite a bit of time.
Can u get a NSRCC membership, its prob the cheapest out there?
Yes no doubt you are playing the same courses (there are 4) every week, but I dun think it will be too boring.
It will prob be boring if I keep shooting par or below every week (and I like this kind of boring golf)

With regards to practice, perhaps you can try to reach super early and have some kind of warm up before teeing off.  Alternatively, do some practice swing at home now and then to groove the feel, just beware dun break anything…..else straight red card for you.

Have a heart to heart talk with your wife and strike a compromise.  This is very very important.

Last but not least, if all things fail, then lay off golf for a while.
Your golf can wait but watching your precious little one grow up is much more impt.
Like some of the bros mentioned, time passes very fast and the next you know it, they have grown up liao and they may not want to spend time with you liao.

All the best.
There is certainly more to life than golf.
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Bear
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 6:20 pm

The stork is flying my way again soon. It makes me feel normal again after reading this thread. Great thread and wonderful response from bros here. Cheers to all bros with such heartfelt advise!!
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Nam Flog
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 6:33 pm

Thanks to all the fathers here sharing their experience. It's comforting to hear some of the similar situations.

Never in this world will I miss the chance to grow up together with my kids, to bath and play and eat with them. I am just looking for possible solutions out there to acheive this without giving up golf temporarily.

We are really a very independant young family. There is no grandparents to help us. My parents are not around anymore and my in laws are not living in Singapore. It is a such a struggle. Sometimes I look at other young families and I get abit envious, they can go for movies and have couple time over the weekends.

I do most of the housechores. Vacuum, mop, wash and iron, cook meals and dishes. The only thing I hate is folding clothes so I don't do that.

The idea of weekend morning 9hole sounds good. But not feasible for me. I let my wife sleep late on weekends. Baby will wake up around 630am and then I will push him downstairs, go to the fitness corner workout while he listens to the birds chirping, then I go for breakfast and kopi. Back home around 830am then I shower him and then put him back into bed for his 1st nap of the day.

I range during workday lunchtimes now. So that is how I try to get some practice in.

And I cannot take leave on weekday morning to play golf at 1st light because I need to send baby to nanny and wife to work. If take leave weekday afternoon then I will be late to pick up baby from nanny in the evening. Red card.

I guess the moral of the story is "Golf is always there, your family and children will not".

Cheers guys. Play golf in my dreams.
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skybobo
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 6:42 pm

Nam Flog wrote:
Thanks to all the fathers here sharing their experience. It's comforting to hear some of the similar situations.

Never in this world will I miss the chance to grow up together with my kids, to bath and play and eat with them. I am just looking for possible solutions out there to acheive this without giving up golf temporarily.

We are really a very independant young family. There is no grandparents to help us. My parents are not around anymore and my in laws are not living in Singapore. It is a such a struggle. Sometimes I look at other young families and I get abit envious, they can go for movies and have couple time over the weekends.

I do most of the housechores. Vacuum, mop, wash and iron, cook meals and dishes. The only thing I hate is folding clothes so I don't do that.

The idea of weekend morning 9hole sounds good. But not feasible for me. I let my wife sleep late on weekends. Baby will wake up around 630am and then I will push him downstairs, go to the fitness corner workout while he listens to the birds chirping, then I go for breakfast and kopi. Back home around 830am then I shower him and then put him back into bed for his 1st nap of the day.

I range during workday lunchtimes now. So that is how I try to get some practice in.

And I cannot take leave on weekday morning to play golf at 1st light because I need to send baby to nanny and wife to work. If take leave weekday afternoon then I will be late to pick up baby from nanny in the evening. Red card.

I guess the moral of the story is "Golf is always there, your family and children will not".

Cheers guys. Play golf in my dreams.

Bro, how old is your boy now?
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cglim
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:02 pm

Luckily golf is a game which we can play till we're senior citizens. Family takes priority. In my case, if I cant get to play due to family commitments, I just have to content myself with hitting balls in the range. If our family doesnt have anything planned during weekends, then I can get to play usually during Sunday afternoons.  There's no substitute spending time with my family, be it just hanging out at home. Golf isnt going anywhere.

My suggestion is to talk to your wife to set aside a day or two per month for a round of golf. Maybe you can offer your wife the same deal (like a spa day), so both of you get to spend individual time by yourselves. Good luck.
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bomby
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:14 pm

Weekend for me is Sat range.. while kids are taking lessons.. only time is Sun afternoon, but my other golf kaki cannot make it on Sunday!! HAhahaa.... Last time when they were young (kids are 1 1/2 yrs apart) every qtr one day weekend also cannot.. tio red carded.

Now a bit better.. cos told her I cannot lose face in front of our gals right when they are playing with me.. I have to improve... Razz
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bomby
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:18 pm

skybobo wrote:
....

As my gal grows older, her timings are more predictable.
I can now tee off 701 for 9 holes on alternate Sat and make it home by 915am to buy breakfast for the family.
On the other 2 Sat, I will tee off before 757 in order to be home before 130pm to either buy lunch home or take the family for a late lunch.
That is why I never join my kakis for 19th hole, they all understand.

.....
You guys lucky.. mine will wake up 7:00am sharp!! Cannot even play 9 hole 7:01 flight Sad
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greenbie
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:23 pm

My experience to share.

Kids grow up fast... once you miss that first few years... there is no turning the clock back. 

First few years are important to bond with them... you will miss them more as compare to Golf.

Now i enjoy Golf with my Boy on every weekend...looking forward to our little girl to join in a year or two.

Golf you can play till a very old age...today lay off or play less...no worry... you will have plenty of time to play in years to come.
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skybobo
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:25 pm

bomby wrote:
skybobo wrote:
....

As my gal grows older, her timings are more predictable.
I can now tee off 701 for 9 holes on alternate Sat and make it home by 915am to buy breakfast for the family.
On the other 2 Sat, I will tee off before 757 in order to be home before 130pm to either buy lunch home or take the family for a late lunch.
That is why I never join my kakis for 19th hole, they all understand.

.....
You guys lucky.. mine will wake up 7:00am sharp!! Cannot even play 9 hole 7:01 flight Sad
Bomby, it's ages since I last played with u. I missed your bombing drives.
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bomby
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PostSubject: Re: Golfers with young children   Tue Jan 21, 2014 7:33 pm

skybobo wrote:
Bomby, it's ages since I last played with u. I missed your bombing drives.

Can organise a game, CNY i have some leaves to clear.. last time i remember this forum (as well as the other one) was more active in organising games.. that seems a bit die down...
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