Posts : 437
Join date : 2009-06-27
Age : 41
Location : Singapore. North
|Subject: Funny Lawyers Mon Jul 13, 2009 5:43 pm|| |
These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American
Courts' and are things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and
now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm
while these exchanges were actually taking place.
This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
ATTORNEY: And in what
ways does it affect your memory?
ATTORNEY: You forget?
Can you give us an example of something you
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next
WITNESS: Did you
actually pass the bar exam?
The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
twenty, much like your IQ.
Were you present when your picture was
WITNESS: Are you
So the date of conception (of the baby) was August
ATTORNEY: And what were
you doing at that time?
She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were
ATTORNEY: Were there any
W ITNESS : Your Honor, I
think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new
How was your first marriage
ATTORNEY: And by whose
death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a
Can you describe the
WITNESS: He was about
medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a
male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the
Circus was in town I'm going with
Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your
WITNESS: No, this is how
I dress when I go to work.
Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on
WITNESS: All of them.
The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
Do you recall the time that you examined the
WITNESS: The autopsy
started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton
was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was
by the time I finished.
Are you qualified to give a urine
WITNESS: Are you
qualified to ask that question?
Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
ATTORNEY: Did you check
for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check
ATTORNEY: So, then it is
possible that the patient was alive when you began the
ATTORNEY: How can you be
so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his
brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but
could the patient have still been alive,
WITNESS: Yes, it is
possible that he could have been alive and practicing
ATTORNEY TO FEMALE
WITNESS: Are you sexually
I just lie there.
Last edited by G_Man on Mon Jul 13, 2009 7:57 pm; edited 1 time in total
Greens Committee Member
Posts : 3575
Join date : 2009-06-17
Age : 41
|Subject: Re: Funny Lawyers Mon Jul 13, 2009 6:06 pm|| |
i am sure technospaz has something to comment on that
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence then, is not an act, but a habit.
Incredibly Active Golfer
Posts : 2978
Join date : 2009-06-19
Age : 42
Location : Sinkapoh
|Subject: Re: Funny Lawyers Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:02 pm|| |
Very Active Golfer
Posts : 531
Join date : 2009-06-22
Location : One Degree North!
|Subject: Re: Funny Lawyers Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:26 pm|| |
William Shakespeare's Henry VI Scene 2 and the Eagles got it right at 1:16 of this clip.
Besides, it's a great song with a kick A** beat and appropriate lyrics for all those
who bring frivolous lawsuits and the attorneys who represent them. I'M A VICTIM!!!
Nothing against lawyers of course.
Posts : 15650
Join date : 2009-06-18
Age : 41
Location : Typically OOB
|Subject: Re: Funny Lawyers Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:33 pm|| |
LOL! Good ones.
So far, my fave joke about lawyers is simple (and I'm sure many of you have heard this before):
Q: Why won't sharks bite lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Clearing my Storeroom
of golfing goodies. Please help support
"A ball will always come to rest halfway down a hill, unless there is sand or water at the bottom.
" Henry Beard
|Subject: Re: Funny Lawyers Today at 9:10 am|| |
Total Donation till date to
Autism Association (SG): S$46,285
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